When you don't care whether they stay or go - they don't leave. They leave when you start caring too much. Ain't that a fucked up world? It's the truth though. Don't get attach, don't cling. The Buddhists got that shit down. Its attachments that hurt you. Nothing can hurt you if you don't give a fuck.

Its her birthday today so its hard to avoid thinking about the past.

I am chatting to a girl who is 10 years younger than me. Holy fuck))) She seems cool and fun but I am quite nervous. What would a young girl even want with me? I feel so old, awkward and unattractive. Who's got issues? драйзер's got issues

is it too early? I feel like it is, but then... they always tell you to get back on that horse. They don't tell you to take a break coz you're hurting all over since the last time you fell of that damn horse. They tell you to get back in the fucking saddle. Is that advice aimed at men? Are women different? Am I different? I wish I wasn't so fucking confused. Shouldn't I have a better understanding of life at my age? Probably...

Well, I am hurting, nervous and confused. I must be alive...